Do You Fall Into The Trap of Irrational
Thinking?
I recently ran across a word I haven't heard for a while:
irrational. Like so many terms coined by psychiatry, it's been misunderstood
and misapplied. I used to think that someone who behaved irrationally was
crazy. Not so.
A thought is irrational when it's illogical or unreasonable AND
triggers emotional stress. This definition clicked for me.
I took it to mean that not only do you feel stress when you
react with an automatic thought pattern that triggers fear, but you're also
stressed when and BECAUSE your thoughts aren't logical or reasonable.
Wow. I never thought about it that way before. If this is true,
then I can use logic and reasonableness as additional tools to identify and
unplug the stress component of negative thoughts that roll around in my head.
This is great news for me, because I used to think that feeling
scared or anxious was a sign of a weak character. While I don't believe that
any more, it's still a big relief to know that most of my stress came from
thoughts that were illogical or unreasonable. My character is just fine. All I
need to do is employ more logic and reason.
What causes irrational thoughts? Think about your patterns of
reacting. When you encounter a new or unexpected situation, is your first
thought usually fearful?
Fear happens when your amygdala gets triggered. Your amygdala is all about big scary emotions, not logic.
And remember, fear isn't about facts. Fear happens
when you put a negative spin on a situation. In other words, your interpretation of the event causes your anxiety.
Take a moment to pinpoint your patterns of irrational thinking. Specifically, what habitual thoughts indicate that you've left logic and reason behind you?
Take a moment to pinpoint your patterns of irrational thinking. Specifically, what habitual thoughts indicate that you've left logic and reason behind you?
Here are three types of irrational thinking that I often see
with my clients.
1) Overreacting with an exaggerated interpretation of
your experience (a.k.a. borrowing trouble). For example, when
your boss is grumpy, you jump to the illogical conclusion that it means you're
going to get fired. Every leap in logic is a jump to a likely false conclusion.
Like Chicken Little clucking, "the sky is falling,"
you overreact to your interpretation of the situation, feeling upset before
there's a valid reason to be. There could be dozens of other causes for your
boss's foul mood, none of which has anything to do with you.
2) Exaggerating the importance of an experience. For instance,
you'll feel anxious if you think: I can't bear being alone. This is an
unreasonable exaggeration.
What's true is this: you can bear loneliness. Sure, it's uncomfortable and frustrating, but you'll survive.
What's true is this: you can bear loneliness. Sure, it's uncomfortable and frustrating, but you'll survive.
3) Presuming the worst isn't
logical or reasonable because you waste energy (and lose power) when you get
upset about a situation that hasn't happened yet-and might not ever happen.
This attitude is perpetuated in our society by two prominent
beliefs. One, that it's smart to fear anything that's unknown or uncertain (we
call it being cautious). And two, responsible adults worry about bad things
that could happen to them.
Another reason you'll have irrational thoughts is when there's a
gap in your reasoning. In this case, you'll think you're acting rationally when you're
not. This often happens when you try to rationalize avoiding doing something
you know needs to be done.
In relationships, it's when that subtle inertia takes over: I
really don't want to date this person any more, but I won't tell them tonight
because we have plans for a fun night out. Or because their dog just died. Or,
it's raining.
Even the flimsiest excuse will enable you to duck doing the
dirty deed. Your strong desire to avoid the discomfort you'll feel if they get
upset trumps your reasonable desire for honesty.
There's no need to keep channeling Chicken Little. Follow the
thread of logic. Identify the reasonable response.
How Adept At Adapting Are You?
You're familiar with the theory of evolution: survival hinges on
the ability to adapt. This applies to every species on our planet.
The ones who are the most adaptable-the most able to quickly
respond to changing conditions-are the most healthy and the most likely to
thrive over the long term.
Have you connected this theory to the effect that your thoughts
have on your ability to adapt? Fear-based irrational thinking makes adapting to
your ever-changing world harder and more stressful.
So the more adaptable attitude you can have is to embrace-not
resist-new situations. Facing new issues head-on is more adaptive and therefore more
beneficial to you over the long term than
running away from, minimizing, rationalizing, or ignoring them.
I wouldn't be your friendly neighborhood life coach if I didn't
offer a few techniques for adopting adaptable attitudes.
Here are my top four strategies for developing your own style of
adaptive thinking:
• Become aware
that you create 100% of the anxiety and fear you feel, and that they're not
just unnecessary, but are detrimental to your long-term well-being. As an
alternative...
• Make the most
of the potential for learning and growing offered by each new experience. Use this technique to re-program the
old pattern of scaring yourself silly by agonizing over amygdala-driven
scenarios of catastrophe, mayhem and doom.
• Focus on the
good things that might happen as you become a master adapter: you'll take
responsibility for creating your experiences. You'll learn to avoid
frustration, improve your coping and communication skills, and create better
relationships.
In other words, as others are thinking themselves sick (and
unhappy), you'll be thriving.
• Recognize
that the worst thing that could happen rarely does. Instead, what usually happens is
that you subject yourself to tons of unnecessary stress. You're temporarily inconvenienced. You deprive yourself of pleasure while you're over-focused
on overreacting to the issue.
When you're stuck in patterns of fear and doubt, the worst thing
that often happens is that you experience yourself as ineffective, are
temporarily rejected by others, and have to live with unwanted
consequences-none of which are fates worse than death and all of which are
transient.
How could you adjust your adaptive strategies to achieve greater
success?
Judy Widener is a Certified Life Coach and author of Power For A
Lifetime: Tools You Customize to Build Your Personal Power Every Day Of Your
Life. You can sign up for Discovering Your Values, a 5-day e-course at no cost
at http://www.myinnerfrontiers.com Her passion is assisting her clients to discover what is
most important to them, then to create more balance and satisfaction in their
lives. Empowerment Life Coaching is a comprehensive program that teaches
clients simple ways to build their personal power and overcome obstacles to
achieving their dreams. Judy has coached more than 600 people over the past 13
years. Her website is http://www.myinnerfrontiers.com