Thursday, January 12, 2012
How to Deal With Insults - 5 Tips
By Rand Whitehall
Some of us have thick skins and really just don't seem to flinch when insulted. Others are devastated and hide under the covers crying for a week. Here are a few tips you can use when dealing with insults.
1. Avoid a physical confrontation: At no time should an insult turn into a fistfight. This may seem to go without saying but many an insult does turn into a public brawl and it wasn't long ago that 'gentleman' actually dueled and shot each over such things, legally!
2. Use the true or false question: An insult is either true or false. If it's true, the party under attack may dispel the matter outright by stating his awareness of this fault of his. If it's false the accused can contradict if he wishes (see step 5), but really if the insult is false he won't care what strangers may think and those who do know and care for him will no doubt know it to be false as well. It might be pertinent to contradict however if there are professional consequences at stake.
3. Realize the person doing the insulting is out of control, and has broken the unspoken rules of behaviour: By insulting someone, the offender is revealing that he or she has lost control of the situation. So there's no avoiding the fact that (in theory anyway) one should ever be burned by an insult. Not only is an insult an oafish attack, it is only effective on people who do not have healthy self-awareness and lack 'maturity' (what I like to think of as an ability to assess facts).
4. Do not take the bait: When someone hurls an insult at you, don't show them your anger because that's what they want--to see you hurting over their words. Smile. Let it go. Life is short.
5. Tell them how you feel and lay out the consequences: Later, when the smoke has cleared, calmly tell the person who insulted you exactly how you feel about the situation. Tell the person never to insult you in that way again, or there will be consequences, for example, you will no longer associate with that person, stop speaking to him or her, etc. The key is that you clearly, calmly state that their behavior is unacceptable and lay out exactly what you will do if it happens again.
Rand writes about computers and Linux, cycling, and great recipes to name a few. Check out his blue nitrile gloves site for a large dose of nitrile glove info! There's even a page on black nitrile gloves too!
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